Can't Be

First off, I'd just like to bring it to your attention that this is my 100th blog post :) ehehe.

I've been in a veiled depression. You know the depression that you know is there... but it just hasn't hit you... yet. The fact of it is, I've been depressed for awhile now. I don't know what really caused it, but I don't really care either. There's like this... peace, that's keeping me from feeling this depression though. I'm so grateful for this serenity, but at the same time, I hate it. I wish that it wouldn't block the depression that I know is bound to come. I wish the depression would just hit, so I could be sad and get over it. I'm so conflicted inside. I long so much to feel happiness, but I also want to be angry and hurt and just sorrowed, just to get over it.

I never make much sense with my words, writing doesn't come easily for me. I backspace more often than I type out what I want to say. I tend to write in circles; I repeat and reword because I'm unoriginal. But I like this about myself.