Yup folks, it's that time of year again. It's the MOST wonderful tiiime, of the year!
That's right, give it up for the LENTEN SEASON! I could go into detail about... what lent is all about... but I'm sure you already know ;D
So tell me what you're giving up, people! I have given up SNACKING. Yes, a hard and difficult task. I've given up my social life online (FB, MYSPACE, etc.) and meat previous years. But I don't know... this one's gonna be a toughie.
Anyway...
This is a special shout out to my friend PETER!: HI PETER! I just wanted to let you know that you are amazing :D And it's been over ONE year that I've known you! Time sure flies, am I right?! Well anyway, I just thought I should give you a shout out because you've been there for me lately (: &You probably don't even know it... So thanks! You're a good friend ;D
Okay, ttfn!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Delayed Gratification
I don't even know how to explain where I'm at with this right now.
I'm banking a lot on this relationship, but still I expect almost nothing out of you. It's confusing. I'M confusing. The honest truth is, I'm not putting my heart on the line if nothing is coming out right now. I'm better off by myself, not synchronized with whatever my heart's content may be. I'm tired of apologizing and forgiving, and that's all that ever seems to happen in this unrequited love, isn't it? Forgive and be forgiven, forgive and be forgiven; this isn't working. I signed up for more than this. But what happens if this is all just an illusion of the heart? I don't want to be the one loving with my mind, and not my heart. I'm having my doubts... "What if they're right?" I can't tell you how many times this question runs through my head.
I heard once that you must fall in and out of love three times before you meet the one.
You must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect - so that you learn nobody is perfect.
You must fall in love with someone exactly like you - so that you learn who you are and who you want to become.
You must fall in love with your best friend - so that you know the line set between friendship and relationship.
I don't know if something's there, or if I'm just pretending there is. But I can't beckon on love whenever I want.
Today was just... wth. Haha. A life ended. A life started. I guess it just shows you a lot can happen with the new year, but in both scenarios, something has STARTED.
I'm banking a lot on this relationship, but still I expect almost nothing out of you. It's confusing. I'M confusing. The honest truth is, I'm not putting my heart on the line if nothing is coming out right now. I'm better off by myself, not synchronized with whatever my heart's content may be. I'm tired of apologizing and forgiving, and that's all that ever seems to happen in this unrequited love, isn't it? Forgive and be forgiven, forgive and be forgiven; this isn't working. I signed up for more than this. But what happens if this is all just an illusion of the heart? I don't want to be the one loving with my mind, and not my heart. I'm having my doubts... "What if they're right?" I can't tell you how many times this question runs through my head.
I heard once that you must fall in and out of love three times before you meet the one.
You must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect - so that you learn nobody is perfect.
You must fall in love with someone exactly like you - so that you learn who you are and who you want to become.
You must fall in love with your best friend - so that you know the line set between friendship and relationship.
I don't know if something's there, or if I'm just pretending there is. But I can't beckon on love whenever I want.
Today was just... wth. Haha. A life ended. A life started. I guess it just shows you a lot can happen with the new year, but in both scenarios, something has STARTED.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Middleman
In the middle. The worst place to be. I !@#$%^&* hate it.
I don't even know what's going on. What the heck happened that caused me to be so off guard?
What happens when you're caught in the middle? With the red flags pulling you farther away and that white flag you intend to raise is now impossible to do? I don't know where to go on from here. This is why every time I come back from retreat, I hate this feeling. Reality is setting in again. I keep forgetting time and time again to turn to God. So much so that I'm giving myself up to the wrong things that I think will make me better, but they don't.
Although I've just gotten home, I haven't begun to unpack yet. I know that as soon as I set everything back into it's place, just like so, my life will be on the same page it was before I went to retreat. Ugh, I remember getting off the charter bus repeating, "I don't wanna go home, I don't wanna go home. Take me back." And now, sitting in this very prison I call my room, is depressing me. I'm frustrated and tears are starting to fall. Why is nothing EVER simple anymore? I know that is life were simple, then we wouldn't learn anything and it wouldn't be interesting but still... just a bit of simplicity would be nice.
I'm sitting in this chair, blogging away on my emotions that actually aren't dissolving. I'm crying right now, but how would that make things better? It's safe to say that I'm the biggest loser there ever was and will be. They're right. No one will really understand you.
You can die from a broken heart, right?
I don't even know what's going on. What the heck happened that caused me to be so off guard?
What happens when you're caught in the middle? With the red flags pulling you farther away and that white flag you intend to raise is now impossible to do? I don't know where to go on from here. This is why every time I come back from retreat, I hate this feeling. Reality is setting in again. I keep forgetting time and time again to turn to God. So much so that I'm giving myself up to the wrong things that I think will make me better, but they don't.
Although I've just gotten home, I haven't begun to unpack yet. I know that as soon as I set everything back into it's place, just like so, my life will be on the same page it was before I went to retreat. Ugh, I remember getting off the charter bus repeating, "I don't wanna go home, I don't wanna go home. Take me back." And now, sitting in this very prison I call my room, is depressing me. I'm frustrated and tears are starting to fall. Why is nothing EVER simple anymore? I know that is life were simple, then we wouldn't learn anything and it wouldn't be interesting but still... just a bit of simplicity would be nice.
I'm sitting in this chair, blogging away on my emotions that actually aren't dissolving. I'm crying right now, but how would that make things better? It's safe to say that I'm the biggest loser there ever was and will be. They're right. No one will really understand you.
You can die from a broken heart, right?
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