Calling

I'm at the age in my life where I really have to consider what I want to do with my future. I used to be afraid thinking about it, I think I still am. I think it's just because I don't want to screw it up somehow. I know there's not always the possibility of fixing something whenever you want to. So what have I planned for my future? Nothing. Well... nothing stable yet. I'm always in the in-between. Current: majors. But what if there's something else?

Lately, I've seriously been thinking about a religious calling. I don't believe that God has called me yet, but what if He does? What if I don't notice His calling? What if I'm too unaware. I'm so confused as to what God wants me to do. I've been asking people if they could picture me being a religious sister. 8/10 said no. Even my little sister can't imagine me being one. I asked her just last night, and she replied, "No, you're too pretty." Well, I didn't know that religious sisters are supposed to be ugly...

I feel like whatever I choose to do, there will always be something missing. If God calls me to a religious life, then I will always be missing out on a husband and having my own children. If I'm called to a matrimony life, then I will sometimes be strayed away from my faith. If I'm called to a single life--I will be missing both. I, like other people I asked, always thought that I was going to get married. Always always, there was never another option for me. But now, I just don't know.

So here I am to lay everything down to God. Let him be of judgment. Whatever he chooses, I will comply. I wholeheartedly wish that I had no doubts for what He has planned for me, but I just don't have that total assurance.

So for those who thought I was just playing around when I asked this question, I'm not. I'm serious.