Emotional Rollercoaster

I hate this emotional rollercoaster I'm on. I wish I would make up my mind already. It's such a simple "yes or no" question. The worst thing is, I never meant to hurt people in the process. I feel horrible. No one deserves the shit I give out. I don't like keeping secrets from the people that matter to me the most. I just don't know how to say what I need to say. But saying what I need also requires knowledge of what I want. I need to figure out what I want, and from then on, only can I say what I need. But things are so hard. My heart is all over the place and I don't know how to keep everyone and myself happy. I can't tell who's being serious and who's playing with my feelings. I guess I shouldn't expect too much of anything. Afterall, expectations need care. And I shouldn't bring myself to care too much...