Unachievable Happiness

Things are supposed to get easier, but for some forsaken reason, all that occurs are more difficulties. I don't mean to slander life, but cut a break would you? And seriously, I'm pissed.
How could he do that to me? He doesn't know anything and quite frankly, it's MY life and I'll make my own decisions. How could he have the audacity to judge someone by their proximity? What I hate most is that he'll never stop. Well, two more years and I'll turn 18. We'll see who comes out on top. I'm not that little girl that comes crying to you, and I never was. Stuck in your own mind, you'll never be able to see me for who I really am, and who I am to become. That is my only disappointment. Everything else is water under the bridge. Daddy's little girl isn't so little anymore, so get over it.

I'm upset with myself too though. In the midst of darkness is when I run to Him. No other time has it crossed my mind that He is celebrating my joyous times with me. I plan to make it my resolution to acknowledge Him at all times, through all ups and downs life brings.

In the words of Adam Young (aka Owl City)

'I can finally see
That you're right there beside me
I am not my own
For I have been made new
Please don't let me go
I desperately need you'

Christmas!

Gosh, it feels like it's taking forever for Christmas to come this year :/ Feels like it'll be another year before it comes again... maybe I'm just being impatient. Lol...

Lately, it's been... suckish. It feels like everyone is mad at me, but they won't tell me the reason why -.- Whatever. I just want this year to be over with. Not to say that this wasn't a good year, because it was...

I need to start thinking about my New Year's resolutions :)

Wishlist

So a whole lotta people are asking me what I want for Christmas. And really, I haven't given much thought to it. But some people are forcing me (AHEM, you know who you are -.-) to make a wish list of the things I want up :P So yeah.

Cut off Trim Pullover (Lavender)
Deux Lux Zip Front Duffel*Buy me this and I'll love you forever. It's too much money hahah bleeeh.
Gingham Lumber Jacket

Eh, Idk... my heart's not into getting gifts :P
If you really wanna get me something for Christmas, there's something you can do for me! Buy like, a toy or something for me, so I can donate it to my church :)

And so, the Truth Comes Out

Why do people insist on telling me that I'm someone I know I'm not? That I'm talented and caring and all those lies? Don't they know that all they're really doing is setting an expectation for me? I'm not the kind that wants to let people down, I'll give myself credit for that. And for only that.

Gosh, today? One of the worst days of my life. I can't explain to myself why I'm crying or why I'm feeling so much pain. I thought I was okay. What happened? What made the difference between today and yesterday?

I don't like questioning God. But where the hell are You? Why is it that I'm left here alone crying in my room? Why does my chest hurt so much? Why does it feel so heavy and unbearable?

I just wish people would realize that I'm not who they think I am. Behind this smile is a person that feeds off the unfortunate pain of others. I'm horrible. Don't trust me.