Judases

I've never felt more hurt or betrayed in my life. Ever.

Not In My Book

Those who cannot fix their own relationships, should not give relationship advice.
It's a shame you can't see the pain in her eyes, or maybe you can. Maybe you just don't care. You don't know the endless sleepless hours she's been through, the tears she's cried. Every wrinkle and bag under her eyes are because of you. You've robbed her of her youth and her happiness. I can't believe that you think it's okay to flirt or talk to other women they way you do. I'm not stupid, and neither is she. We know. We just don't say anything. But mark my words, you will regret it. I will make your life hell. I will destroy you and hurt you and punish you just like you did to her. I don't give a crap about loyalty. Those who do not practice loyalty don't deserve it. It's just a shame that you can get away with so much of the bullshit you dish out. It's astonishing how much crap you can pull out of your mouth about family and respect and love, when in the long run, they're just words. Because of you, I'm afraid to love. But, fear not shall I? You and I have no relation, not in my book.

(in)Destructible

I'll admit I'm completely irresponsible with my feelings.
But I'm suffering enough with everything else.


And you.
I still remember you.
Sucks we never met.
Sucks we never will.

Buddy Ol' Pal

Why do we even consider each other friends anymore? Shit, we're acquaintances. Fuck that, we're strangers. You said you were sorry for giving me the cold shoulder and you'll better it. Haaah, I was stupid to believe you. You're just like how everyone says you are. You're a bitch who just moves from one group of friends to the next. And the truth is, you don't even give a shit. If you don't, neither should I. I'm sick of standing up for you and making excuses for you when people bag on you. You said we'd be "friends forever", something you said yourself you don't believe in. You made me believe in you, then you let me down. That's what hurts the most. I'm a pretty forgiving person and I fucking hate that about myself. But fuck this shit because I'm not going to be like that anymore. This is it, I'm not turning back, and there's nothing you can say or do that'll change that. You can't keep our friendship together if you're ignoring me. It's like lining up pennies on a ruler. Soon you'll have lined up too many on one end, pennies will fall from the other end. You use people, that's what you do. And I don't need to be around people like that. I made a commitment to you, but you won't meet me half way. So yeah, peace out.

Summer Kickoff

I know it hasn't even been a week of summer vacation, but I can already feel myself starting to change. I won't say if it's a good or bad change, because everyone has their own perspective of it. As for myself, I will claim it neutral.
I'm beginning to speak for myself and really not give a care about how people react to it. I'm learning not to trust too easily, and I'm learning who my real friends are. I'm beginning to let go of the things I find excess to my life, whether it be physical objects or people.
My aunt gave me a serious talk about being open to new experiences. I'm so locked into what I know that I'll never learn new things. And she's right. I've been so uniformly stuck in my own little world. I wanna break free.
So anyway, I've been up to Frisco this weekend and I'm heading to Pennsylvania soon. Seems like this summer is gonna be some adventure.


Look up, little kids.

Pandora's Box

Pandora opened a box that she was not allowed to open under any circumstances. Her curiosity released all the evils of the world free.

It's stupid to cry; it's been so long. So why do I still feel this heaviness in my heart when I read these letters? Maybe it was my own fault for opening this box and looking through these things. I've moved on and I've gone past the four mark. But I guess time has proven futile. I've reverted back to my freshman year: this immature little girl who thought she knew what love was. But I didn't. But I know better now. I'll get through this.

There was something I forgot to mention. Pandora may have released all the evils into the world, but there was one thing that she managed to save. And that was hope.

The Biggest Monster

Repression.
I don't talk openly about my feelings too often, other than the quick "I'm sad/I'm hungry/I'm tired...etc."
I don't like talking about my feelings because honestly, people won't understand me. Most of them just tell me "Oh, cheer up" or "That's okay...it'll get better".
Really, the only person I can tell my feelings to is Binnie Truong. He doesn't give me that comfort that most people do. For instance, if I said, "Binnie, I'm pissed at life and I know it's not gonna get any better and I hate this. I just wish I'd die," he would say, "Yeah, me too. F*ck life. Let's die together." And that, my friend, is one of the reasons why I love him. He's so easily relatable.
The monster is when my anger just randomly comes out. I repress all my anger. I know it's not healthy for me, but I can't help it. Most of the time, I hold it in because I know it's not the right time to be angry. I let it out at the most unexpected times though. I hate this about me.
I'm easily upset. I take things too personally, but it keeps me on my toes. I know you can't trust everyone. So I don't. I've shown my true self to maybe one or two people. Gladly, these people are still in my life. They accept me<3;
But if I were to show you the real me, you wouldn't be in my life, trust me. The biggest monster, without a doubt, is me.