Happy? Birthday to... Me

As everyone wishes me a Happy Birthday, I can't help but laugh wildly on the inside. Happy? What's so happy about it? Today is the shittiest birthday I've ever had. In all my attempts to get through the day with a smile on my face, I have failed. I hate today. No, I despise today. Today should have never happened. Well, at least not the way it should have. I hate this feeling. Being alone. On my birthday. Because I am alone.
I can't even tell my mom what's on my mind, and she's the one I run to for everything. I hate that I'm not telling her what's going on and how I'm feeling because she worries about me too much. But I just can't tell her. I can't tell anyone.

What are you afraid of? Or do you just not care at all?
I'm sick of being called on my crap. It's time you're called on yours.

Five Second Homework Assignments and Two Hour Naps

SCHOOL. It's wearing me down. I'm tired of studying and staying up until 3 to finish projects. I miss my sleep and I feel like my bed and I are going to break up, LOL. Summer vacation, could you come already?!
We have three more months filled with SATs, AP Exams, finals, and CST testing. And all the pressure is getting to me! I'm afraid of the future. I don't wanna have to think about applying to UCs, and other colleges. I don't want to have to think about getting rejected from these universities because my GPA sucks. Does it even help if I'm a well-rounded person with 454865657912 hours of community service, plus clubs and sports? I'm scared that I won't be accepted anywhere and I'm gonna have to go to OCC. Not that it's a bad school, but I expect more from myself. ...Part of me wants to go to UCSB, but another part of me is afraid of leaving home.

Remember how easy we had it? In elementary school, we had 5 second homework assignments, and when we got home, we could knock out for two hours. We had it so easy. But I was naive; I thought it would last. And now that it doesn't, I keep finding myself wanting to regress back into those old times. Now I feel regret; our parents didn't want us to grow up so fast, but we did. I feel stupid for wanting to be more mature because look at where it's gotten me. I'm only 16 and I'm worrying about things like no other. "Youth is wasted on the young"

So now, I'm planning for my own children (if I'm ever able to have any). They're gonna live everyday up, and spend as much time as possible enjoying themselves. I promise not to push them so hard on growing up and getting a good job like my parents. Whatever it is, whatever happens, things will work out. I don't want my kids to learn algebra before they learn how to walk. I don't want to instigate pressure on them to be the best and the brightest of the bunch. I don't want them to have to grow up feeling regret about not living their childhood with as much laughter as possible. I don't want any of it. "Life's goal is to fight maturity"

Stupid?

I know who I am, and I'm aware of my capacity for things. I don't take compliments well, nor do I take insults well. I used to let people make fun of me, but I'm not that person anymore. I don't care whether or not you're joking, it hurts my feelings. I used to let people walk all over me, but I don't anymore. I'm fed up with all the constant bullying and insulting I've been putting up with. In elementary school, I was practically a doormat. I was easily persuaded into ridiculous things that nearly cost me my future. So forgive me if I'm the type that is defensive when it comes to hurting my feelings. I'm just not as strong as other people are, and I don't have the ability to brush things off easily as other people do. But I for one will not tolerate people calling me names like that involve calling me stupid. I'm NOT stupid. And I will NOT stand for it. I may have made fun of some people because of what they've DONE, but NEVER will I call someone stupid as if they were mentally challenged and mean it. Today's society fuels us up, telling us that calling other people names that have to do with them being mentally challenged is okay. But it's not. It's far from "okay". It's insulting to the person being called that name, AND to the people that are actually mentally challenged. If you can't respect me, how can you be my friend? And how can I be yours?

I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME ANYMORE; JUST BY DOING THAT, YOU'RE ALREADY INSULTING ME.
But I guess I should be used to it by now.

Asdfghjkl;'

I hate it when you're having a conversation, and you really need some comfort or assistance or something, and the person you run to for it.... just brings everything back to them, and how hard it is on them...
IT ANNOYS THE LIVING HECK OUTTA ME.

Ugh, you think you know someone...

Birthday Wish List

So, people have been asking me what I want for my birthday since it's coming up. And honestly, what I want, you guys can't get me.


What I want for my birthday;

1. For my dad to remember it without having to be told or reminded by anyone.

Just an Update

Today was a good day. Things have been going my way lately. But, I miss getting to see my best friend every day at school ): I wish she didn't have to go to Hare. But just knowing she'll come back next year makes me happy (:
Happy Birthday to everyone with birthdays in March! That's a LOT of people. Spring babies, unite!
There's like, 20 more days until my birthday! Which, for, I want to go to IKEA!<3 Because I love furniture (: And no lie, their food is pretty good.
Otherwise, I see no point in celebrating my birthday... haha.

Alright, byeee BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.