The Silent Holocaust

"I'm God's girl. You don't mess with God's girl. I must have a sign on my head that reads 'You better be nice to me because my Daddy runs this world'". -Gianna Jessen

Gianna Jessen is an abortion survivor. Look her up on YouTube. She has some pretty epic stuff to say.

Nothing New

"You're mean."
"You hurt people."
"Oh, you bitch."

OKAY, What the hell is wrong with you people? Where have you been? I know after freshman year, I changed. Can you blame me for not wanting to be walked all over?

I'm mean. Hahaha yes. I tell people the things they DON'T want to hear. I tell people the truth. I'm not going to say something that isn't true just to make you feel better. I think you'd be better off knowing that people are really saying about you. I'm gonna tell you straight. I'll be blunt and sometimes I can come off as a jerk. But I owe it to tell you what's really going on, thank me later, thank me not. I don't care.

I hurt people. Well, which person hasn't hurt anyone before? (Other than Jesus [: ) "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." (Oh, good thing Mary wasn't there.. hahaha) But in all seriousness, I know I hurt people. Physically and emotionally. Yeah. But which mortal hasn't? It's not intended I swear. I don't wake up in the morning and draw a name (or several names) from a hat and say "Oooh! I'm going to hurt this person/these people today!" That would be pure evil. I'm sorry to all whom I have offended; no promises I won't do it again though. I'm only human.

I'm a bitch. HAHAHA. Okay well, seriously. It's only okay if I say it. Or if you say it in a joking way. Have you looked up the definition of a bitch? If not...
a. a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, esp. a woman.
I swear, I was on FaceBook, taking a quiz. "Are you a Bitch?" Result?: You're a Perfect Angel
Yes, it surprised me too. But the questions asked were like, Omega Bitch. "Do you trip the elderly when walking past them?" What in the hell...? LOL That's just friggen wrong. So yeah. Look up the definition before calling someone it okay? :)

I know I'm not your favorite person, nor do I intend to be. Most of the time, I'm very straight forward. I don't like to sugarcoat it, haha. But I have my moments of pure generosity. Promise. It just hasn't happened to you yet :) Or maybe it has.

Speech Impairment

People don't get what I'm saying...
It's not because I have speech impairment, or because I sometimes have slurred speech. I tend to talk in circles. Everyone looks at me like I'm strange; they laugh at me. I think I make perfect sense. Hope to find someone that makes sense of all I'm saying.



Anyway. I just hate it when I see girls that act weak on purpose. Cute? Nope. Grow some backbone. Or I'll snap whatever is left of yours. Seriously girls, we don't need to act helpless to get a man. It may be attractive now, but when you get older, boys won't give a shit. They want a woman that's independent and knows what she wants. Gosh... those "helpless" girls.. remind me of.. me. Or how I used to be. Who I am hates who I've been. I used to get walked all over, played to the farthest extent. People pass me off as mean. I'm "mean" to all my guy friends. Hahahaha. Sorry for being blunt. I have no time to bullshit.

Lampposts

Walked home tonight.
Called four times.
My mom.
Nothing.
My home phone.
Nothing.
My sister.
She picked up.
Was pissed.
Told me to call dad.
She and dad were in the house.
At the same time.
She told me to call dad.
Called Dad.
Nothing.
Got up.
Walked.
Didn't care about danger.
Didn't care about getting raped.
Didn't care if ended up dead.
Didn't care.
Care?
There is no care.
Sister can't even get out of her fucking room.
Take the phone to dad.
So I could ask him to drive me home.
No.
So.
Walked home tonight.
Walked past lamppost.
By lamppost.
She didn't care.
Didn't care enough.
She couldn't give the phone to dad.
Because they were in the house.
At the same time.
Because it's way too hard.
It's too hard to get up one's ass.
To give the phone to dad.
So her little sister had to walk home.
Lamppost by lamppost.
Got home.
Knocked on the door.
Stood outside.
Stranger of my own house.
She came out.
Opened the door.
Looked at her little sister.
"UGH"
Walked back into her room.
Walked home tonight.
I'm home.
But I'm still alone.

Broken Strings

Dammit, I love that song.

Okay well. Today was completely useless lol. I feel like I miss blogging, but I'm always too lazy to write something. Today was soooo long. Seriously. I was in 2nd period today and I remember thinking... is this for real? It should be 5th period by now.

Okay wow, I'm passing my AP classes (: I guess I'm really excited about that, lol. Hmm, I don't think I have anything left to say. Stress, stress, stressssss.

Oh. I've been super annoyed of everyone lately. Don't take it personally if I act out, I'm just upset and stressed for a multitude of reasons. And I'm sorry, I don't know how to control my stupid anger. Haaaah, just wish it was summer. When I didn't have to give a damn about anything, and everything was okay. Fuck, I miss him.

Simply Everything

Really, it's needless to say. All my juniors, we're stressing out. We're practically on death row. We're in for a real test this school year dearies, best of luck to all of us!

Okay so, lately. I've been really.. gosh. Just stressed out. I wanted to give up, but luckily someone picked me up and made me go on for the better of myself. And to that person, I am truly grateful.

Man, I really need to learn to say "No". Or as Tony says, "It's not saying no, it's just not saying yes" Hahaha.

Recently, I've learned something about myself. It's really crucial that I made this self discovery though. I've learned that I take things too heavily. I let every single small thing get to me, whether it's good or not. This flaw could.. no, will make me crack. I'm not gonna let it happen though. I'm not falling apart again. It took me too damn long to put myself back together.

Reacquainted

Seems like I've been through this before. All to many times it appears. It's the classic "Diss, then miss".

I don't know, but lately I've been really upset with myself. I guess I'm just beating myself up for how badly things ended. It's sad that we don't even talk... I guess I just miss you.

If I had the chance, I'd do it all again. I'd want to be reacquainted with you.